What You Need to Know About the Enneagram and Relationships

By Kara Reynolds | Apr 15, 2020

Once you know your enneagram type, you can use it to discover new truths about yourself, like how you tend to respond to certain situations. However, you can also use your type to learn more about how you interact with others. What’s your communication style? And, most importantly, which type are you most compatible with? While there is no definitive answer to who which enneagram relationships work best, the enneagram can be a useful tool in finding a mate or simply understanding your current partner.

The Type Compatability Theory

The Type Compatability Theory is just that — a theory. It’s not a tried-and-true rule for couples. In fact, any two people can find happiness and connection so long as they are self-aware and committed. That being said, some combinations do occur more frequently than others.

Type 1

The phrase “better done than perfect” doesn’t apply to type ones. Because of this perfectionist streak, they often tend to over-criticize themselves and others. If a woman is a one, this can cause strife in relationships with eights or other ones who may vie for leadership and success. Instead, female ones often end up with male nines who like to keep the peace. You’ll also often find male ones with female twos who can help them reach their goals.

Type 2

Twos are encouraging and more empathetic than any other type. They commonly spend all their energy loving others until there’s nothing left for themselves. Thus, female twos often match with male sixes. These men are loyalists who remind their partners how much they love and appreciate them. Male twos often match with female fours who are artistic and also strive for connection in relationships.

Type 3

Those who identify as a type three are goal-getters that long for recognition — and they’ll change their personality in order to get it. They might also ignore their partner on their path to achieving goals. Thus, male threes often end up with female sixes, or loyalists. And female threes commonly match with male ones who want to see their partner achieve their dreams almost as much as they long to succeed with their own.

Type 4

Fours have a tendency to feel like they don’t belong, yet strive for connectedness nonetheless. However, they also long to stand out. These complex emotions can be confusing to other types who aren’t expecting them. Female type fours often partner up with male nines who may help them find balance in their emotions. Meanwhile, male fours often match with female twos or eights who may help to lead them into a more stable life and mentality.

Type 5

Those who identify as a type five often overanalyze relationships before they even enter them. They have trouble committing and enjoy time alone. Both female and male type fives tend to match with ones. This may be because ones are able to push fives to deal with their emotions. They give fives space to process, but they also encourage them to make a definitive decision or commitment. Ones also enjoy routines and rhythms, just like fives.

Type 6

Sixes are concerned for the common good. However, they often find trusting themselves and others to be difficult. Female sixes generally match best with male eights or nines who encourage peace and trust. Likewise, male sixes also match well with female nines who respect sixes’ need for a routine. Nines are also less likely to be spontaneous, further making them compatible with sixes, who would rather avoid surprises and last-minute escapades.

Type 7

Type sevens are generally optimistic and envision a hopeful, bright future for themselves and the rest of the world. Male sevens often end up with female ones who are the opposite of optimistic and tend to see flaws. In this way, the two balance each other out. Likewise, female sevens also match well with male ones. However, they might also connect well with male fives who are more realistic and tend to think through things before coming to a solid conclusion.

Type 8

People who identify as type eights are action-oriented and love to lead. They also value straightforward communication. Therefore, male eights often match up well with female twos who are verbal processors by nature. Meanwhile, female eights tend to gravitate to male nines who may find it hard to voice their opinions. When nines do speak up and communicate, eights affirm their honesty and celebrate this communication.

Type 9

Type nines can see all sides of a conversation, which makes it difficult to pinpoint and voice their own opinions or feelings. They need a partner who will remind them that their voice and emotions do matter. Thus, female nines often gravitate to male sixes who value authenticity and will encourage genuine connection through communication. Male nines, however, match well with female fours who are also tempted to conform in the name of belonging.

Opposites Attract

In terms of enneagram compatibility, opposites do indeed attract. More often than not, you see different types uniting to form a strong bond. Very rarely will you find two people of the same type coupling up. This may be because two people with very similar personalities find it difficult to balance one another out. However, double type couplings do occur on occasion, so it’s best not to rule anyone out in your search for a mate.

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